As the contractions climbed higher and my darling baby descended further down, coming that much closer to entering a whole new world – that awful, awkward, undeniable urge of needing to use the toilet ASAP increased. (Mommas who've been there before me, ya know what I’m talking about. You get it.) I had read that I might experience this on account of the pressure of the baby’s head. So my brain knew that I didn’t actually need to go…but my entire body didn’t believe me. At one point I remember yelling out “No!” Everyone around me thought it was because of a contraction (at least I hope they did) but nope….it was me yelling at myself, telling it don’t you dare do your "business" in front of all these people. I can laugh about it now....but yeah....that's just one of the many things us preggos have to deal with.
It was soon after my strong willed, one word outburst that I surrendered. I was exhausted. I had to let go and give into the pain. And the moment that I did I felt my weak and tired body release all of the built up tension and the pain seemed to dissipate and a sort of peace came over me. There was pressure still, but I felt like I could do something about it. I felt like I could…. Well, push.
I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I guess I had a bigger audience than what is considered normal. My story of being induced with Pitocin and refusing any other interventions spread throughout the Delivery Suite, and I suppose some wanted to witness it all go down firsthand. I recall hearing a strange voice or two offer an encouraging word now and then as I began the process of pushing, but it didn’t matter honestly. I was in my own little world and the only other people with me was Sammy, Mom, and Stephanie.
I wasn’t confident in what I was doing but my body seemed to be so I allowed it to take the lead. Each push felt more and more right but I didn’t want to rush anything. This was my moment. I had spent hours taking and baring each painful contraction and now here I was so close to the end. If I sped it up now I had a feeling it’d go wrong. So I rested. I pushed but made sure I didn’t overdo it or strain. Stephanie encouraged me to take it at a slower pace and to listen to my body which helped me stay in my “Zen” state.
I heard my mom exclaim “Oh I see the head!”
My heart smiled and I told myself to not get over excited just yet.
Stephanie encouraged me to reach down and feel my baby’s head. I was reluctant because I was afraid touching my Little One would pull me out of my current mindset, but I brought my hand to my angel’s head and it certainly didn’t feel like a head. My reaction made the room laugh and Sammy later told me that my eyes popped wide open and it looked like I was in total shock and then came to the realization that I was in fact touching my baby in two seconds flat.
"She has some dark hair, Sam." Mom described.
I let out a breathless laugh "I thought for sure she'd be bald!"
"Why?" inquired Stephanie
Sammy laughed at my response and explained to Stephanie that since both he and I were fair-haired babies that I had assumed our Little One would be as well.
A couple more pushes and before I knew it….
I absolutely love looking back at this moment and I’ve asked Sammy to tell it to me over and over again. Hearing how she entered the world and having Sammy explain what it was like through his eyes warms my mommy heart like no other.
His words: “I saw her head come out a bit more, you could now tell that it was mostly the whole back of her head and then some of the forehead as well. With the pace you were going I assumed that it was still going to take quite a few pushes, but then all of sudden with just one more push from you the rest of her was there. I was so surprised because she slid out so quickly and with such ease, and they had her on your chest before I could really even blink.”
The moment I pushed Sierra out there was only a split second of silence before her cries filled the room, dashing away any earlier fears of her ability to use her lungs or not. Praise Jesus!
Stephanie had Sierra in my arms in just seconds and all I could say was "My baby!" over and over. I looked down and stroked her tiny, perfect little body and admired the amazing creation that she is.
Approximately 9 hours of labor and here she was. So tiny. So perfect. Sierra weighed in at 6 pounds, 10 ounces, and 19" of length...Such a little one!
Even though I had my baby in my arms, didn't mean I was finished just yet. I still had to push out the placenta, and I had a slight tear that required two stitches. But I had my baby. My beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous baby girl. As uncomfortable as some of the after birth things were I didn't mind them nearly as much because our daughter, Sierra Rayne Prescott was here in my arms.
There's nothing quite like it. being able to hold your child, the child that you nurtured and cared for long before they could wrap their newborn hands around your finger. This precious gift that was given, to love and protect. It's overwhelmingly wonderful and maybe a little...or a lot scary at times, but so completely worth it. Worth the months of sickness, the aches and pains, the bloating, the extreme growing and stretching. When I look at my daughter, sometimes it's like that's all I had to do? Nine months was all I had to give to create such a brilliant masterpiece?? What a deal! Thank you Father above! How unbelievably blessed am I?!
Sierra Rayne is my joy and a constant bright light. God has spoiled me beyond compare! Her birth is my greatest achievement. I am so in love with her. Sammy and I both are. We couldn't be happier.
Welcome to the world little Ray Ray - your Daddy & Mommy love you now, forever, and always.
